Sunday, October 4, 2009

Acceptance

A few days ago when the cold snap of Autumn hit us, I went searching through my drawer for a pair of jeans that weren't already in the wash. I thankfully found a pair that I'd forgotten about. When I tried to put them on, I wasn't so thankful anymore. I hate finding clothes from seasons past only to discover that they are too tight. As I jumped and yanked and shimmied them on, I glanced at my bookshelf. The first thing I saw was one of my old college textbooks: "Money, the Financial System, and the Economy". I immediately thought about how much my life has changed. Even though I'd always planned to be a stay-at-home mom, I used to imagine myself as a banker or a corporate executive in one of the jobs my fellow alumni were getting. The ill-fitting jeans also forced me to realize that my body continues to change as age creeps in. I wasn't distressed by these thoughts. I'm happy with the life I have. It's just different than I sometimes thought it would be. After a minute or two, I was glad to finally button the waistband. At least I hadn't gained too much weight since winter.

By 5:00 p.m. I had to admit defeat. The jeans were cutting into my gut and I could pretend to stand it no longer. However, when I changed into pants from my current wardrobe, I was pleased to discover that the jeans are a size 6. I must have been that size two years ago, and I remembered thinking at that time that I needed to gain weight and lose some stress. That size tag gave me some perspective. Even if I'm not a corporate manager somewhere, I am still very tuned in to current political and economical events, and I have a busy and complex household to manage every day. Besides, when I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist or a writer; as an adult I still find ways to be creative, and I've recently written the first chapter of a novel. So I guess I don't have to accept a changed me. I am quite content with the healthier, tweaked-for-improvement version of the me I used to be and pretty much still am.

7 comments:

Kent White said...

I'm so in love with you right now! Thanks for being you.

JAKE and JENNI said...

I would say managing 5 kids... keeping them well fed and happy 24/7/365 is an amazing feat!

What is your novel about?

Charlotte said...

You were able to button size 6 pants? I am jealous. Also, love the picture of you.

Funny how we may not be where we thought we'd be, but can still be OK with it. Even grateful things didn't turn out the way we thought we wanted it to. If that makes sense (still pretty tired this morning).

spadaclan said...

You made me cry. I sure love you. Thanks so much for... so much.

Mary said...

Jenny! You showed up in the blogosphere. Glad to have you aboard! :)

Jenni--The novel is about Covelo and is based on the strange/funny stories surrounding my great grand aunt Margaret. (Jacob wrote a report about her once. Maybe he can tell you about our zany aunt.)

VickieG said...

You are wonderful. I've never fit into a pair of size 6 jeans in my entire life. I can't even imagine it. Loved the bicycle video. Everyone looks so healthy and happy. Way to go!!

VickieG said...

What are you painting in thix pix?