Oh Brother!

Yesterday #5 pulled something on all of us that was one of those moments that defines boys as being able to gross out girls. Warning: I'm going to use some very descriptive language, so this is not for those with weak stomachs.

Friday morning I made a great breakfast. We had scrambled eggs cooked perfectly, hashbrowns, OJ, and bubble bread (some people call it monkey bread; it's basically white rolls baked in a bundt pan with nuts, caramelized topping, and cinnamon). I usually save this breakfast for a weekend, but the girls have been asking for it for a few weeks, and they reminded me to make the bubble bread the night before. (It rises all night.) So there we are, seated around the table, enjoying a nice family meal before school. #5 thought the bread was so good that he was stuffing his face as quickly as possible--literally. His mouth was so full that he couldn't close his teeth, or even his lips, together, and the bread was bulging out. I said, "Be careful [#5]. Don't put too much in your mouth." At that moment, he started gagging on his mouthful. He put his hands up to his mouth to try to keep the food in, but the gag reflex was too strong. It was kind of like watching a meat grinder to see how the food methodically came out. All of it passed through his fingers as he helped it to his plate. As the gagging continued, we could see threads of saliva and some yellowish bile trail along as well. (I warned you!) When all of it was sitting in a puddle on his plate, he looked up...and started shaking his hands vigorously to get the slime off them! Drops and clods were flying everywhere, mostly on the three sisters surrounding him, but also on our plates and the serving dishes, all of which still had our delicious breakfast on them. The girls started yelling at him to stop, but he just looked around as he continued to shake his hands trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to stop. I literally fell over out of my chair laughing! #3 started crying because her breakfast was ruined, but she then laughed through her tears at how ridiculous it all was. Most everyone left the table, but I, who once accidentally tasted his poop--a story for a different day--decided there wasn't that much spattered on my plate, so I finished breakfast.

Later that afternoon, I took the kids shopping at Wal-Mart and treated them to burgers in the adjoining McDonald's afterward. Again, #5 was surrounded by all of us in the booth. Again he stuffed his face in his eagerness to earn dessert. I said, "[#5], don't stuff your mouth. You'll gag again!" At that, he swallowed the enormous mouthful to finish his burger...and started clapping enthusiastically. He was proud of getting it all down I think. Unfortunately, he was so enthusiastic that he knocked his arm into #1's cup while she was drinking (water with no lid) and sent a nice-sized splash all over her face and shirt.

All I could say was, "Oh brother!"