...but I could still relate to most of these. Besides, I think it's healthy to be able to laugh at our quirks.
FORGET REDNECKS; THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAD TO SAY ABOUT UTAHNS!
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Utah.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Utah
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Utah.
If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Salt Lake City for the weekend, you live in Utah.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Utah.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Utah.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Utah.
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Utah.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Utah.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Utah.
If the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph -- you're going 80, and everyone is still passing you, you live in Utah.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Utah.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Utah.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly' you live in Utah.
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends, you live in Utah.
While we're at it, we might as well stereotype our religious quirks.
You might be a Mormon...
If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in gosh...
If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts...
If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house...
If you've ever written a "Dear-John" to more than two missionaries on the same day...
If you were frustrated when your son "only" got accepted to Harvard...
If you have one kid in diapers and one on a mission...
If you arrive to an activity a half hour late and are the first person there...
If you have more wheat stored in your basement than most third-world countries...
If you have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining.
If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in gosh...
If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts...
If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house...
If you've ever written a "Dear-John" to more than two missionaries on the same day...
If you were frustrated when your son "only" got accepted to Harvard...
If you have one kid in diapers and one on a mission...
If you arrive to an activity a half hour late and are the first person there...
If you have more wheat stored in your basement than most third-world countries...
If you have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining.
4 comments:
Did you make up the Mormon ones? The one about Harvard sounds like your grandmother!
ditto to what Paul said. Inquiring minds need to know.
I didn't make them up. They also are circulating the internet. Sounds like Mormon parents have high educational expectations! (I apologize for only getting a bachelor's. Just kidding!)
Ha! Those were funny. With just enough truth mixed in.
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