More Random Conversations With My Kids

Here are two more conversations my kids have initiated this week that I simply must record for posterity. The second one might be considered a little racy in that we teach our children to use the correct names for their body parts. So if that kind of thing offends you, just stick to the first conversation.

Monday night after the children were in bed and Kent and I were in the office holding a family (couple) council, #3 came wandering up. I asked what she needed and the following ensued:

#3: Do you know what I want on my hands when I die?

Me: Hopefully not blood.

#3: What?

Me: Nevermind. What do you want on your hands when you die?

#3: I want you to dip my hands in water and then in sugar and fold them like this. (She closed her eyes, clasped her hands with fingers intertwined and held them against her abdomen.) Then when everyone comes to look at me, my hands will look like they have sparkly gloves on.

Me: Why don't we just put gloves on you?

#3: Because there's no such thing as sparkly gloves that sparkle with dots as small as that.

Me thinking: Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

The thing that's a little strange about #3's thoughts about her death (she shares them with us every so often) is that she always assumes she will die before I do. I try to tell her I hope she will outlive me by many years, but that usually upsets her because she would miss me so much (in her words). What a sweetie!


The Other Conversation (PG-13)
Introduction: #5 lately has been very preoccupied with the fact that he and his dad are the only boys in our family. He brings this topic up frequently.

A few nights ago I was sitting with all five kids watching a TV show. #5 was on my lap and he sat quietly through the entire hour. I wasn't even sure he was still awake. As soon as I turned off the TV with the remote, he turned to look at me and said...

#5: I have a penis.

Me: That's true.

#5: You don't have penis.

Me: Nope.

#5: What you have?

Me (not wanting to teach a lesson on female anatomy when all the kids should have been brushing their teeth): Nothing.

#5 got a little surprised look on his face and paused. Several seconds later he said: Do you have soap in your bafroom?

Me: Yep, I have soap in my bathroom.

#5's eyebrows shot up and he excitedly replied: I have soap in my bafroom too!

I thought it was great that he soothed my hurt feelings of being anatomically inferior by quickly finding something we had in common! I just had to laugh! Where do these kids come up with all this?

Lunch Associates

I had to record the conversation I had with my lunch associates today. #4 is five years old and #5 is two years old. (This record is mostly for my benefit to look back on when they are grown, but maybe you'll enjoy it too.) By the way, this is a "stock photo" of my associates helping to put groceries away. I can't remember why they were doing it with their eyes closed. They're funny kids.


Today's conversation:

#4 put our "Hope of America" program CD in for some background music. She was asking what one of the songs was about, so I tried to explain the Declaration of Independence briefly.

Me: Our country used to belong to another country and they weren't treating us fairly, so we decided to be our own country and have our own government. The sad part was that we had to go to war to do that.

#4: What was the other country?

Me: England. So a lot of Americans died and so did a lot of Englishmen.

#4: Were we there?

Me: No. It was a long time ago. 233 years ago! When your grandparents grandparents grandparents grandparents were alive.

#4: So when it was done, did we come back home?

Me: This was even before I was born. We were up in heaven watching what was going on. When it was over, the Americans were so glad to have a free country.

#5: I'm free (holding up three fingers). [Pause] And there are free boys: I'm a boy, Dad's a boy, Sam's a boy.

Me: Who is Sam?

#5 nods his head. Then I notice that he is wiggling a lot.

Me: Do you need to go potty?

#5 shakes his head. Then he nods his head. As I approach him to help him get off the stool he talks again: "I want to go to the bathroom at Lexi's house. [We were there for a meeting this morning.] Gwen went to her bathroom and I didn't. I want to." He then is in tears as he trots off to the bathroom."

#4: What happened in the war?

Me: Men had to kill each other. They were soldiers trying to protect their country and their families. Do you know my cousin Travis? [I show her a picture of him.] He is a soldier and he has fought in a war that is going on now.

#4: Did he have to kill bad guys?

Me: He had to kill guys who wanted to kill him. That was sad because they also had families that love them. But American soldiers keep us safe.

#4: Are the bad guys here?

Me: My cousin was in a country called Iraq that is far away from here. But there are bad guys here too. We are not in a war here so we don't kill them.

#4: I know who didn't die from England. Eve's dad. [Eve's dad is my brother-in-law, Matt, who is an American living in Utah. Eve lives in England with her mom.]

Me: When we fought England that was a long time ago before any of us were born.

#4: I would like to see what England is like. I haven't been there in a while.

Me: I've never been to England in my whole life.

#4: I want to go there to see the fish. Remember when we saw those big fish? [She was thinking about a day trip our family took to the aquarium in Sandy, Utah. At least, I think that's to what she was referring.]

Me: That wasn't in England. That was in Sandy.

#4: Eggo?

Me: [Blank look.]

#4: San Diego. I want to go there to see the dolphins again. [We have never been to Sea World. When we went to LA a few years ago we saw dolphins in the ocean, which we replay on a home movie.] Can we go there today?

Me: We can't. It's too expensive.

#4: Yeah, because it's so far away and we would run out of gas before we got there.

Then she got down to play with her brother.

I love observing the thought processes of these kids. I can practically see the wheels turning. Conversations like these remind me why I have to explain things over and over and over. Also why I felt like my college education was turning into mush inside my brain once I became a stay-at-home mom. However, I've learned plenty of other skills and developed important character traits that only motherhood could have worked in me.

Have You Read This Book?

Someone gave us this book in a pile of used books. The first time one of my kids brought it to me to read to them (three years ago?) I started crying halfway through. My kids couldn't figure why I was so upset about a mother rocking her growing child. Well, I still can't read it without crying. I try every six months or so and if my kids choose it too close to the last time I read it, I ask them to choose something else. Yesterday, #s 4 & 5 got to wonder why I had tears in my eyes. I didn't even finish reading it to them. I just showed them the pictures on the last three pages and put the book away. Even though my children frequently test my patience, I know I'll miss the child-rearing phase of my life. This book always reminds me how much I love them.

Am I A One-Upper?

I read an advice column today with a question concerning what to do with a friend who likes to one-up. I started thinking that I might sometimes come across that way, especially on blogs. In my comments on friends' blogs I tend to share similar experiences I've had or my children have had. My intention is not to distract from any of your experiences, but rather to connect through our similarities. I truly enjoy hearing (reading) your thoughts and shared experiences in comments to my posts, and that is what I try to do when I comment. I feel more a part of your lives when you share them with me in the blogosphere. So I hope you know I'm not playing a comparison game, and I'd really appreciate any of your stories that relate to my life too.

I Love Microfiber...

...possibly more than I love certain of my children.

Yesterday, #5 (the boy) decided, while I was teaching piano, that it would be funny to chase his sister and her friend around the house--and tag them with peanut butter. When I went in the family room a half hour later, I was horrified to discover streaks and hand prints of peanut butter all over my new couches!!! Lucky for him, I was able to wipe it off with a wet wash cloth and the microfiber "repelled" the oil, so I didn't have to inflict bodily injury.

I have to admit, he was just as easy to clean too...and he is cuter than my sofas...so I guess I still love him. But if he ever takes scissors to those couches, watch out!

Sorry, I'm Not Playing

A few (more than two) of my friends (sisters included) have posted an offer on their blogs to make a few somethings for the first responders to their post, as long as the responders offer the same on their blogs. I feel the need to explain why I'm not playing. Truly I would love to get homemade goodies in the mail, especially when not expected; but I can't commit to the follow-through. I like to think that I would come up with something to make and send to friends, but I doubt I would ever find the time. Probably you would just end up with a loaf of bread gone wrong. Or maybe one of my kids would be doorbell ditched on your porch on one of my bad days. Plus, I can't pick which friend to respond to (get a gift from), and if I did all of them I'd be committed to making more than a dozen doodads. That would probably put me over the top and I have to literally be committed.

Still, if you want to send me a nice surprise in the mail, feel free! May you all know that even though I'm not playing, I still love you all (assuming you are someone I know and not some creep browsing through other people's blogs).