A Letter for a Heroine's Journey

Dear Andrya,

Andrya built the custom over-the-toilet shelf herself!

Twenty-six years ago I was where you are now--sort of. Though you and I both left home for good at the beginning of a new Fall semester, your entry to adult independence has also been different than mine. Where I turned a metal key in a door handle lock, you waved a FOB. My door opened to a cramped circa-1965 dorm room where I shared a corded phone with my cousin. You entered a full apartment that smells of drywall and primer and set your handheld computer (cell phone) on a newly assembled nightstand in your private bedroom before heading into the en-suite bathroom. 

It’s not just our on-campus housing that differs. You’ve been jumping feet-first into autonomy (and then skinny dipping in it) from your early tweens. Where navigating an airport alone as a forty-something still causes me unease, you’ve already thrice hopped unaccompanied and without phone service around the Americas--hello New York City, Bogota, and Ensenada! Where I feel incapacitated by my single language, you feel free to immerse yourself in any culture to learn it.

I stand in awe of you in many ways. True awe.

It’s also not just your sense of adventure. Your charmed life baffles me too. I know you earned a lot of A’s, but the fact that a pandemic conspired to get you one more semester toward your cumulative 4.0 with almost no work on your part is pretty amazing. Apparently karma thinks you earn A’s in AP Calculus and AP Spanish by making your own prom gown and listening to novels. The universe, it seems, has organized around giving you a four-year, full-ride scholarship with honors discounted housing to boot! 

Notice where her textbook landed!

You pulled together your graduation
in the last week of school.

    

Your teachers, counselors, extended family and friends have filled your childhood education with expectations of college and fears of what may become of those who instead choose entrepreneurship or technical training. Despite their insistent voices, Dad and I thought you might be the child to take that alternative course, to refuse the scholarships and head into the wide world with an online programming job that could support your globetrotting. However, since the path you are taking now is somewhat familiar to me, perhaps I can offer advice as you step out of our home and into adulthood.

First, are you experiencing some hesitation to moving out and on? For someone who doesn’t feel sentimental about leaving home, you’re taking a long time to do it. Your older sisters each moved completely out in a day. You’ve been sleeping at your apartment for nine nights, but you keep coming back. Do your dozens of houseplants that continue to litter our house mean that you’re not quite ready to go? Is it reluctance to let go of childhood, or is eating here part of a game to see how long you can go without buying your first groceries? We’re happy to feed you, but we also want you and your houseplants to feel fully settled in your new space. So roll out that yoga mat, do some sun salutations and shavasana next to the huge window in your new bedroom, and maybe invite a roommate to join you. Accept that space fully as yours. It will be a refuge on the days that are tough, and a place to create memories with your new college family.

Speaking of days that are tough, the years ahead will bring new challenges. Covid19-forced online classes are not ideal. Find ways to engage anyway. Some of your professors will be annoying. Be grateful for the ones who become trusted advisers. Customers of whatever part-time job you take will treat you as an object. See them as people despite their blindness.

We all experience misfortunes through life’s phases. In this one, maybe it will simply be the stresses of academic tests and projects and deadlines. Perhaps society’s “covid new normal” will bring you anxiety, depression, or loneliness. Maybe an illness will beset you or a loved one. Or your belief system and values will be tested and found wanting. Whatever it is, it will be something. That’s one of the guarantees of life. That’s also where you’ll find your best growth.

You are the daughter of a prevention-focused mother and a promotion-focused father. You are more like Dad in this way, but I can tell you that some misfortunes can be avoided through good planning. Figure out your budget, and stick to it. Stay on top of your car’s maintenance and remember to turn off the headlights when you park. Get your flu shot and your rest. And I know you’ve learned that teachers’ deadlines are flexible, but sometimes in college and work, they are not. Plan your time, and don’t let the belief that a deadline can be massaged trip you up once it’s too late to renegotiate.

With that all said, your father would add that there are four types of people in this world. I am in the smart and hard-working quadrant. You and he are in the smart and lazy corner. I don’t understand how people in your corner operate without taking preventive measures in the details of life, but I will acknowledge that it seems to be working for you.

If it doesn’t, though, my best advice is that you have a working relationship with God in place for when the setbacks come. Let Them into your life. Whether that’s taking hikes in our beautiful mountains, meditating in UVU’s Reflection Center, studying scripture alone or with an Institute class or with our family on Sundays, find ways to turn to the Parents who love you better than your dad and I can. Learn how God communicates with you. They will guide you in your finances, relationships, schoolwork...whatever you choose to share with Them. Partner with Christ in the work you pursue, and the Spirit will magnify your efforts.

The whole point of existence is to find that the adversity of life shows us how weak and fragile we are--and then, if we face it, it strengthens us. In the university arena, I hope you’ll learn from my mistake. I hope you’ll let go of wanting to prove that you’re a winner at the game of school and instead get to the business of learning. Delve into the knowledge and mentorship available to you at the university, and find what speaks to you. Don’t approach mid-terms and finals with late-night cramming and the least possible work to get the grade you want. Let those tests show you what you’ve learned, and then keep building on that. Discover your gifts, your genius. Develop those to share and improve whatever spheres you influence. You can go through the motions of school, or you can rise above the grades and become a lifelong student, giver, and teacher. We already know you have the brains and the charm. I invite you to bring the work and the curiosity to find out what adulthood has to teach you, what you can offer the world, and who you become in the process.

I can’t wait to see what you do with the life ahead of you! I already feel privileged to have a front-row seat.

Love always,

Mom

A Letter to the Faculty and Staff of Freedom Preparatory Academy

Dear Freedom Preparatory Academy,

As my youngest child finishes eighth grade and moves on to our school district's high school, our family's fifteen years at Freedom Prep Academy come to a close. This is a good opportunity to thank all of you for the parts you have played in helping to raise my five children.

Kassidy, my oldest who is now 21, began second grade at FPA in 2005. She built friendships in elementary school that have lasted through the years, and she still gets together with some of those early friends. Madelyn, now 20, attended Kindergarten through sixth grade and was able to take advanced subjects through the elementary years that set her up well for the gifted program in middle and high schools. Andrya, 18, graduated from high school this week, but got her start working the system in Kindergarten where, we're convinced, she influenced the uniform policy to specify that dresses and pants could not be layered together! Gwen, 16, benefited from a long series of loving teachers through all her years at FPA. And Heber, 14, leaves having tried a wide variety of classes and extracurricular activities through his years.






We were initially attracted to the school for its focus on good nutrition and the excellent curriculum, especially the leveled math learning. The academics, teams, and other events at Freedom Academy have served my children well. As I think about our years with all of you, I realize there are more enriching activities than I can remember--but here are some of the offerings that our family enjoyed:

The 6th-grade etiquette dinner, which morphed into the annual Valentine lunch.

Eagle Service Unit.

Mother-daughter activities in the library (I think they were offered on Saturdays for a while).

Dances for older grades as the first children at the school aged.

Mock trial, which I had so much fun coaching!

Class parties and spirit competitions--crazy hair day was always a favorite!

Required Spanish classes, which introduced Andrya and Madelyn to their now fluency in the language.

Choirs, violin, visual, and other art classes.

Teachers and administrators who practiced Love and Logic. I know showing love in the classroom can be fraught with peril these days, but I appreciate the younger-grade teachers who gave my kids daily hugs, and the upper-grade teachers who gave high expectations and reasonable consequences.

Middle school classes that included robotics and digital media.

Science fairs, creative reports, and math competitions.

Programs such as Hope of America singing, end-of-year celebrations, and the Fourth-Grade Utah presentation (which I loved, but I did get my fill after five rounds.) ;-)

Essay contests and spelling bees.

Ballroom team, then class, and competitions.

Shakespeare Festival and school plays.

Sports, including after-school karate, track and field, cross-country, and Ultimate Frisbee.

As a parent, I've appreciated the administration's listening ear and willingness to try new things. Mrs. Herring and Mr. Ivie always opened time for me to visit when I had a concern or idea, and I love that the board is open to parent input. Some of my personal best memories have come through my volunteer hours, especially in coaching mock trial teams and the student council in the high school's beginning years. I love that the Mexico trips have become a tradition and that new teachers and parents pick up the work it takes to coordinate that each year. I am grateful for the friendships I've made with other parents and staff members.

Many of the teachers and staff who have influenced our family are no longer with the school, but we extend our thanks to all FPA team members past and present. It's been an amazing ride to watch the school grow, evolve, and expand, both in its physical facilities and its approach to teaching and enriching the lives of children. It's a great thing that an increasing number of children and families can be blessed through the Freedom Academy experience as we have been. We are sad to be leaving the Freedom Prep family, but we wish you all many more years of success in helping to form future generations.

With thanks and much love,
Mary and Kent White Family

Miracles

"Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean." That phrase, uttered by a leper as recorded in Matthew 8:2 in The New Testament, was playing through my mind when I woke this morning. In the account, Jesus immediately heals the leper. I lay in today's 4:00 a.m. dark wondering if He would work a similar miracle for the world this weekend.

When President Russell M. Nelson, whom we Latter-day Saints consider to be a prophet to the world, invited the global community to join in fasting and prayer on Good Friday for relief from covid-19, I felt that we could ask for a great, immediate miracle. President Nelson urged us to petition God in the midst of this pandemic. I have faith that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, the Master Healer, have power over the elements and infinite love for mankind. I thought if the world woke Saturday and found that coronavirus patients were well and testing revealed no new cases, that would surely be a miracle the world could not ignore. We we would have to acknowledge God's miraculous power, as well as the power of faithful fasting and prayer.

But miracles don't always work the way we want them to. In the five days between President Nelson's invitation and my own family's start to the fast, I read the petition a few times, and it didn't feel like enough. It feels like we are asking for less than a great, instantaneous miracle.

Our worldwide prayer was for the pandemic to be controlled, caregivers protected, economies to be strengthened, and life normalized. It sounded to me like we are asking for a gradual miracle. Would a gradual miracle be obvious enough to be recognized by the world?  Is there enough belief in this world that God would eradicate covid-19? Do the faithful even have enough faith to ask for instantaneous healing?

Different scriptural account, same principle:
"Help thou mine unbelief."
(If anyone knows the artist, I will give that
credit here. It's a great depiction.)

One of my favorite lines of scripture is found as part of another miracle. In Mark 9, a man brings to the disciples, and then to Jesus, his adult son who had been afflicted with a violent spirit since childhood. Jesus tells the man, in verse 23, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." With tears flowing, the father's reply bursts out, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." Jesus then commands the evil spirit to depart, which it does, leaving the man's son as if dead. Christ takes his hand and raises him to life and health. In the next two verses, the disciples ask Jesus why they weren't able to heal the man. He answers, "This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting." Had the father been fasting? The story doesn't make it clear, but I assume it was Jesus who had given himself to prayer and fasting, since it was his word and his hand that healed the man. Prayer and fasting are powerful and lead to healing. I believe we invite God's power into our lives through those practices. I've seen prayer and fasting work miraculous healing for others. I'll share two such experiences.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we prayerfully fast on the first Sunday of each month. Usually we decide as individuals what to fast and pray for. Sometimes a congregation of saints will fast for a united purpose. I participated in one such fast almost two decades ago. A woman in our ward (an LDS congregation) had received news that she had a new brain tumor. A few years before, she had gone through surgery and treatments to remove a cancerous tumor, and so received regular check-ups to monitor for new tumors. A scan revealed early in the week that a new tumor had formed, and she was scheduled for surgery the following Monday. Our bishop asked everyone in the ward to fast from Saturday to Sunday that she would be healed. I think we all expected that healing to come in the form of the doctors doing their best work. Much to our surprise, God worked a different miracle. As I remember it, our bishop stood the next Sunday to report, looking at the woman who was again seated in the congregation. She had gone to the hospital Sunday, the day we were finishing our joined fast, to check in for the next day's surgery. Her doctor had ordered another brain scan to reference during the operation. The new image revealed a healthy brain. The tumor was completely gone, and this twenty-something young wife returned home to the family and friends who had been praying and fasting for her. No one could deny the miracle, and I remember being surprised that God had seen fit to heal her completely and instantaneously.

Five years ago, in my current LDS congregation, we saw another miracle of healing. At that time, there was a mysterious outbreak around the world of paralysis among children. By the end of the outbreak, 118 children in the U.S. had been affected. One of those children is our neighbor. He woke up one day unable to move one of his legs. He dragged himself to his parents' bedroom that morning. They eventually believed that he wasn't just joking around, and took him to a doctor. His symptoms matched those of other children in the news whose limbs were going paralyzed, and no one really knew why, or if recovery was possible. So we, his ward family, prayed and fasted for him. On fast Sundays, during our worship service and after taking the sacrament, members of the congregation are invited to come to the pulpit to share their testimonies. We are supposed to share our thoughts about Christ, but often those come with other anecdotes and opinions. I remember one woman standing to share her certainty amid the uncertain prognosis that this eleven-year-old boy would fully recover. I thought that was a bold and perhaps too-optimistic statement. And yet, his parents also felt the peace that all would be well for their son. Over the coming weeks, he did heal and was eventually running around the neighborhood with his friends. In the months that followed, most of the afflicted children did heal. Our neighbor's recovery was much faster than that of other patients, and it was counted as a miracle by those who fasted.

I wonder what kind of miracle the world will see this year. Will it correlate to the amount of faith demonstrated in our prayer and fasting? Will everyone wake up this weekend to discover that the virus is gone? Or will it run a shortened course with its devastating effects being reined in? Or will the miracle be increased love across the globe and better relationships between God and Their individual children?

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, whom Latter-day Saints recognize as an Apostle of the Lord, spoke about the Mark 9 miracle seven years ago. His words are still powerful today:

“Lord, I believe.” I would say to all who wish for more faith, remember this man! In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited. In the growth we all have to experience in mortality, the spiritual equivalent of this boy’s affliction or this parent’s desperation is going to come to all of us...The size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue—it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the truth you already know...Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have...if you and your family want to be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle.

This Easter weekend, I am excited to see how the Lord responds to the faith of His children of all faiths. Because I want the whole world to undeniably acknowledge God's power and care, I decided to go ahead and pray for the big, immediate healing. But perhaps my desires are not God's. Maybe He doesn't need a showy miracle to be able to still show up in His children's lives. So I tacked on to my prayer, "Lord, if Thou wilt." Whatever the miracle, I am grateful to know that we are in--and on--the Lord's hands.

Sanctuary Space: Insight Timer

My friend, Bri, told me about the Insight Timer app, which is kind of perfect because one of my favorite features of the app is that it connects people and enables friendships. More about that in a moment.

The app is great, and because you can read about it on their website or explore it for yourself, I’ll just share some of the features I use in my meditation. 

Timer

My most frequent use of the app is for timing my morning prayer. I’ve prayed morning and night, personally and with my family, pretty much all my life. The reason I first got into meditation almost ten years ago was to improve my prayers. I knew God heard me, but there wasn’t the communion in my prayers that I wanted. I hoped meditation would help me add that dimension to prayer—and it has. (Perhaps I’ll post about prayer another time.)

There is something about sitting with my ten-minute morning-prayer timer that helps me to just stay there after the laundry list of thanks and requests is done. I don’t even look at the timer while praying, and it doesn’t chime at the end. I think it’s just creating that space in time that helps me give myself permission to stay in my Sanctuary and simply be thoughtful with God. I go through my mental prayer roll of those who need Their blessings and comfort. Then my questions turn more thoughtful. I ask for advice in the projects I’m undertaking, or talk to Him about my intention for the day.

The following is part of a journal entry about five months after I began my meditation practice ten years ago.

April 15, 2010

As I continue to ponder the use of meditation, I really think it is valuable in improving prayers.  In a conversation with God, listening is the most important part.  But almost every time I’ve stopped speaking during a prayer to listen, my mind wanders away to dozens of distractions.  Meditating has begun to train my mind to be quiet and just listen . . . I think my meditation will evolve as I practice it more to help me learn the language of the Spirit and to become a part of my prayers.

When I’m done praying, I often find that I’ve gone over the timer’s ten minutes. Just as often, I’ve stayed under ten minutes, and that is fine too. However much time I spend thanking, asking, listening—communing—it feels just right.

The timer is a good tool for any meditative process. In addition to my ten-minute preset for morning prayer, I also have an hour preset for yoga, fifteen minutes for silent meditation, and ten minutes with their “zen guitar” ambient sound. The app has many background sounds and timer notifications to choose from, though I choose silence for most of mine. (I also am one of the tiny minority of people who don’t have any music playlist, but Kent has enough music in his collection to listen for months straight, so he balances us out.)

Journal

Somewhat hidden in the app is a journaling feature. Go into Profile, then Settings and scroll down to the “More” options to select Journal, Logs & Stats—and then you have more options for the journal! I’ve used it to track some of the guided meditations that I’ve especially liked. I have other journals in my life, all of them handwritten, but this part of the app could be good for a daily brain dump, especially using the microphone. The journal doesn’t seem very robust, but maybe it doesn’t need to be. If you’re a journaler, try out this feature and let me know how you like it.

Guided Meditations and Courses

Where Insight Timer really shines is its collection of guided meditations from hundreds of teachers. The teachers tag their meditations with various criteria: topics covered, whether there is background music, what type of meditation it is (I use a lot of the ones for sleep), etc. This is where you have to explore and see what types of meditations you are drawn to. When you find one you like, you can rate it and bookmark it to return to. You’ll also find teachers that you connect with, and then check out their other meditations. If you really like their content, you can donate to any teacher to support their work.

I like to bookmark intriguing meditations and then give them a listen to decide if they stay bookmarked. Those are the ones I return to repeatedly. The app manages your bookmarks well so you can sort your favorite meditations by length, topic, recently bookmarked, etc.

The following are some of my favorite guided meditations on Insight Timer:

·         “Morning Ritual” by Jason McGrice – 10 min.

·         “Honoring Life” by Sarah Blondin – 9 min.

·         “Short Calming Meditation” by Charlotte Watts – 7 min.

·         “Breathing Meditation” by Jack Kornfield – 9 min.

·         “Meditation Made Easy & Enjoyable” by Matthew Young  –  10 ½ min.

·         “Breath Awareness Meditation – Counting” by The StillPoint – 11 min.

·         “Guided Meditation for Deep Sleep” by Cory Cochiolo – 27 min.

·         “Gratitude Meditation” by Sarah McLean – 14 min.

·         “Guided Chakra Meditation” by Anika Patel – 9 min.

·         “5 Times More” by Kelly Sullivan Walden – 11 min.

·         “Working With Anxiety Guided Meditation” by Angela  Marie Patnode – 10 min.

Community

Finally, one of my favorite features of the app is its community building. The home screen shows how many people have meditated around the globe on any given day. I love being a small part of the positive energy created by people seeking peace and guidance on this planet. Even more fun, at the end of any session, the app shows the people who meditated with you. First, you see your Insight Timer friends, the people you’ve connected with on the app. Next you see people in or near your town. I love finding a stranger near me, and thinking that I might run into them in real life sometime. Third are the people in the same meditation groups with you. I belong to a few groups, but I don’t check in very often. About twice each year I look to see what quotes or talks or discussions are going on in those groups. Lastly, the app shows everyone else who used the app to meditate with you.

The home screen also shows what guided meditations your connections are listening to. I’ve occasionally found some favorites to bookmark there. For example, Sam in Park City, Utah befriended me on the app. She and I often meditate together in the morning, and I’ve found a couple morning meditations through her.

Besides simply seeing your fellow meditators, you can thank or message those who allow it through their permissions. I like to thank about half a dozen people per session. Sometimes we’ve used the internal app messenger to ask each other about our chosen tag lines. There is one meditator in South Africa who regularly sends me a beautiful message to send thoughts of kindness. It’s a safe and lovely community, and you can be as involved in it—or not—as you like.

Whether you’ve meditated for years or you want to just give it a try, I recommend the free beginner’s course on the app; it's by one of my favorite teachers. I hope you’ll find, as I have, that this app is a great tool to develop meditation practice, and therefore your mind, spirit, and connection to God.

Sanctuary Space: An Introduction

Ten years ago, Kent and I began meditating. Seven years ago, I created a meditation space in my bedroom. I now call it my Sanctuary Space. It has evolved over the years, as has my meditation practice. Here is a little update on both. I'll be editing this post as I write more detailed posts about the elements of this space, so please come back and find links if you want to learn more.

Welcome to my space. Please come in.

I like flexibility, and this space allows me to play with it. With the sheer panels layered over light-blocking curtains, the space becomes the window to the master bedroom, or cloaks the room in sleepy darkness. Inside the alcove, I can shut myself off from the rest of the house. I sometimes wonder at its power of invisibility, because if I'm on my cushion with the curtains drawn, my children never think to look for me in there. They will call all around the house and explore my bedroom, but they don't crack the curtains. Perhaps they intuit that closed curtains mean Mom is unavailable to them for the moment.

Speaking of the cushion, it is more comfortable than it looks! I often meditate and pray early in the morning (another natural deterrent to interruptive children). I like to begin with prayer, kneeling on the cushion and taking in the moonlight of winter mornings (hence the candles in the corner) or the sunrises of summer. The rolled blanket serves to support my arms and forehead if I choose to kneel prostrate. If I have time to follow prayer with a meditation, I place the blanket on the back edge of the cushion to help me sit upright. I can sit quite serenely for a half hour or more.

Overhead I've hung a branch that I pruned from our honey locust tree. I got these sweet, wooden bird cutouts to represent my family members: me and Kent, our five children, plus one extra for the children-in-law and grandchildren we'll gain, and the extended guests we seem to collect over the years. (Looking forward our Colombian 'daughter' coming this summer!) 

My friends, Kelly and her family, alter artworks and affix sculpture to their wall. I always admired their guts for doing so, but it took me years to gain the courage to add permanent words to my walls. Still, taking a Sharpie marker to the paint job has helped the space become mine. When I see a scripture or quote I like, I record it. I collect these scraps of truth-on-paper in my little wooden treasure box, and they eventually make it onto the west wall.

In addition to also serving as a blank canvas for the inspiring words I have yet to discover, the east wall (below) is home to my vision board. The board is placed at eye level so I can stand and visualize all the things I want as part of my life. (Future link and post to come.)

Resting on the floor is my all-time-favorite collection of words from Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God." When I brought this framed quote home, I left it on the floor, intending to hang it later; but I found that while seated on the ground for prayer, having those words beside me was the perfect place for them. They are a reminder to be still. In that stillness I know my body, my mind and soul. And I work to accept the greatest invitation that is given to all: 

"Be still and know that I AM, God."

I also have a few tools that help me do the mindfulness and spiritual work of my Sanctuary Space. The one I use most is the Insight Timer app. The app lets me time my prayer, silent meditation, and yoga. Or I can choose a guided meditation to welcome the morning, set an intention, practice loving kindness, explore anxiety, or even settle into a rejuvenating nap. At the end of any meditative practice, the app shows me who in my area and around the world meditated with me, and I can send a quick message of gratitude to any of those people. It's really quite fun to connect with someone on another continent and know we both were engaging in positive energy together.

Pictured above are my other tools; I'll explain them in clockwise order. There's my earbuds for listening to guided meditations without disrupting my sleeping husband. A Chakra Reiki Healing Heart bracelet. I don't necessarily believe that different stones resonate with our chakras--or maybe I just don't understand that yet--but I do like wearing the bracelet as a reminder that I'm seeking balance in my life and striving to be loving. Plus it's nice to think about my friend, Gina, who gave it to me. The Human Charger helps keep my circadian rhythms working, even when sunlight changes with the seasons. And the timer keeps me on track at my vision board. These devices all stay tidy in my little box with my word scraps. Sometimes I keep a gratitude journal here too, but more often I write while in bed at the end of the day, and the journal stays on my headboard.



I feel lucky to have this space in my home. It really didn't make sense to be used for anything else. Kent used to share the space with me, but he now uses a chair and table on his side of the bed for his prayer, meditation, and journaling.











Whether you have a favorite little alcove, or just a favorite quiet corner in your home or garden, I encourage everyone to create a Sanctuary Space. Spending at least a few minutes here every day has become a time to connect with my fellowmen digitally or just in my thoughts. It is where I get grounded and align my plans and desires to God's work. Here I experience His peace, and often His love and interest in my life. It is a holy place I can enter daily, and it shapes the person I am becoming.