Winning - Part 2

Our children were raised with the expectation that by September 1 following their 18th birthdays, they would move out of our house and take that big step into adulthood. Accordingly, in April of their senior year, Gwen and Alessandro signed contracts for housing next to Utah Valley University. Gwen had a scholarship and Ale was still on track to graduate high school and attend college for FAFSA free, so the location made sense. However, when I learned they each had committed to pay a monthly rent almost equal to my mortgage payment, Kent and I rethought our expectations. Gwen was making some money doing tattoos, but she wasn't sure what she wanted to study in college. Ale had given up on my budgeting lessons and some short-lived fast food jobs and instead depended on side hustles to bring in extra income--when he wanted it. I worried that their rent obligations would bury them. We decided to offer less expensive rent at home, and they were content to stay. 

When fall semester rolled around, Gwen still didn't have a strong leaning toward any particular major. She was staying busy with her growing business, and quite enjoyed the daily interactions with clients. Along with her inking line work, Gwen has a gift for making people feel comfortable and heard. After attending one day of classes at UVU, she decided to drop college and stick with the work she was enjoying. Between having a mom who has done bookkeeping professionally, a dad who is a small business coach, and a best friend who was showing his gift for coaching and marketing, she was already set to get all the education she would need for her business.

Ale dove head first into classes and quickly learned that with his sleep habits, getting to campus by a certain time was not going to work. He reworked his schedule to take only online classes, and started to pick up a variety of digital editing and marketing jobs, mostly for friends but also for a local landscaping business that wanted a presence on social media. 

Ink by Gwen studio

With Ale's help, Gwen's business began to boom last winter. It was clear that she could support herself, and he was on his way too. We liked having Gwen and Ale around--especially #5, who had an unfounded fear of being the last kid at home with Mom and Dad--so I wondered when and how to nudge them from our nest. For Gwen, the quick answer was to first help her professionalize her business. With tax season last spring, Gwen learned the advantages of separating business income and expenses from her personal ones, and with a rent push from me, it took her only a few days to find a new studio location in Orem. She got to work furnishing and styling the place to her aesthetic and created a really cozy, beautiful space for her and her clients to enjoy.

Alessandro was thriving in the classes that were specific to his digital marketing major, and was passing the rest of them. It was a good sign. He continued to feed his mind with podcasts, books (he started a self-help book club), and other projects where he could learn the topics that most interested him. We offered both kids young adults a rent discount for any month in which they did some sort of mental health therapy and at least two weekly reviews with me. Ale took advantage of this, but, as with all things, he did it his way. Rather than traditional therapy, he found a mentor to help him with affirmations and added in reflective time for himself to write in a journal and/or take a solo walk outside. For someone who spends most of his hours in front of a computer screen, usually with a friend or two or five hanging around in the background, quiet alone time was therapeutic.

Ale also legitimized his business, Exclomedia. He went through a collection of different clients, coaching and building their online brands. Some he got burned by (there's a millionaire influencer out there who still hasn't paid him). Some weren't disciplined enough to put in their own consistent effort, which an online presence demands. All of them were his teachers. And he was a quick learner. Kent invited him to a couple networking events with business owners, and Ale ate it all up. (Plus, his angels showed up there as well as in other ways, but that goes beyond the scope of this post.)

Over the summer, they both took initiative in new ways, and I knew they were outgrowing us. Ale opted in to summer classes, which is a big deal for someone who had to drag himself to high school. Gwen had her first solo airline flight, treating herself with a spontaneous weekend trip to California to meet up with Ale and other friends there. In July she began car shopping, weighing the cost and reliability of various models. With his eyes on a future new car and investment property, Ale signed up for a credit card, and (thankfully) let me scare him into managing it well. (When I explained all the ways that creditors milk their customers, he said, "[Dang], I should start a credit card company!") I knew it was time to cut the proverbial apron strings. Utah rents weren't coming down, but they each could now afford to live on their own. I congratulated Gwen and Ale on their progress over the past year and told them September 1 marked their move-out requirement. 

Excited to be driving their stuff away from my house!

Within a matter of days, they found an apartment with three private rooms to share with a third roommate, their friend Kamille who also lived with us for a few weeks last winter. The place came unfurnished, but they were ready to take it on and they each went to work designing their spaces. Ale bought new computer equipment and created the perfect work-and-study-from-home office/bedroom suite. Gwen's space is serene, the perfect place to rest after spending all day chatting with people. She set up a meal subscription to ensure she eats healthy food. Ale keeps up at the gym. They each are competing with me for the highest credit score. (I have the advantage of time in my 830+ score, but they are hot on my tail.) And this week, when her poor hand-me-down, 23-year-old Mazda wouldn't start, Gwen finally let it go and bought herself a Tesla. (They took me for a spin that first night, and I said, "Gwen, you finally have air conditioning!" She answered with a delighted realization, "And a stereo!" Simple pleasures.)

It's not that young adulthood is proving to be easy. When they come over for weekly dinner, it's good to hear that they each deal with the difficulties of life that we all do: doctor appointments, car maintenance, landlord issues, etc. The gift for all of us is that I no longer feel the need to help or advise them. I'm happy to give it if they want it, and I like it when they ask, but they are proving through grit and good attitudes that they've got this!